BEAUFORT, S.C. (WSAV) – Many families around the holidays come together to celebrate family traditions. But others are looking to break away to start new traditions and a new life away from abuse.
According to breakthecycle.org, in the United States, nearly one in two women and more than two in five men have reported experiencing physical abuse from an intimate partner. These are statistics of what has been reported, with many victims of abuse never coming forward.
CEO Kristin Dubowski with Hopeful Horizonsof the Lowcountry says victims of abuse tend to either never report the abuse or, if they do, take multiple attempts to leave for good.
“Statistically, it can take seven to eight times of attempting to leave before leaving the relationship for good,” said Dubowski.
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She adds that holidays like Christmas can create a bigger hesitancy for victims to come forward. An abusive partner may be showing good qualities, especially with family in town or children involved. This can make it even more difficult for victims to recognize, report or leave an abusive partner.
“If the abusive people were abusive all the time, nobody would end up in relationships with them. Right?” said Dubowski. “But I do think it is important for survivors to be able to balance that out and recognize, yes, you know, this person has all of these good traits. We've had all these good times. And that's what makes leaving or, you know, whatever they need to do in their relationship to feel safe, it makes it more difficult because the person isn't like that all the time.”
In families where there’s abuse and children involved, Dubowski says that adds even another layer to the difficulty in coming forward.
“I think the holidays might make the adult victim survivor want to stay in the home through the holidays to give their child or their children that sort of normalcy, that nice family holiday at home,” she said.
Abuse isn’t always defined as physical, Dubowski explained.
“Sometimes relationships where there's violence don't escalate to physical or sexual violence. A lot of times it can be psychological, verbal, financial or emotional, and that can be sometimes even trickier for people to navigate those situations.”
And though it may not be physical, Dubowski says, “Those instances of abuse usually increase in severity and frequency over time, so the good times become less and less, while the bad times become more and more. So, it's best to be able to get help earlier in the situation and decide what's best for you at that point, rather than getting further down the road where things have gotten worse.”
For victims who are still in a situation where they don’t feel safe but feel like they can’t leave, Dubowski says, “They can always reach out to our 24-hour support line just to talk to someone, just to have a listening ear and to potentially set up a safety plan or plan to leave after the holidays or even receive counseling on an outreach basis.”
Hopeful Horizons provides support year-round through many services that help victims of domestic, sexual and child abuse. They’re encouraging folks to spread generosity by giving back this holiday season to help abuse victims and their families in shelters.
“During the holidays, gifts are really nice, but it's also important for us to be able to provide financial assistance to help keep the lights on or provide a special family meal or provide transportation to be with other family during this time of year,” Dubowski said.
You can donate to Hopeful Horizons here.
If you are in a situation where you need help anywhere in the Coastal Empire and Lowcountry, WSAV has a list of resources available here.